Sosu Posted January 19, 2021 Share Posted January 19, 2021 Uh hello not really good with introductions but my names Philrat/Dr. Philrat (I lost my phd sometime last year) anyways thats really it for my introduction if you wanna read my story that starts down below. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I first met Jouaram and some of the players currently on aether on Jouaram's old server (Retributionrp). When I intially joined I had joined with a few friends such as @Berlin and @Bigpimpin (he isnt on forums). We were all new to gmod and had just randomly joined the server back in late 2017-2018 and shortly after stopped playing. Sometime in late 2019 my friend (Bigpimpin aka Pogosnipes) had asked me to download gmod and to "play that one server we played like 1-2 years ago" and so i did because i thought why not. So i redownloaded gmod and we both joined retribution again to see what it was like and quickly both of us had really enjoyed it. So we continue to play and i start meeting new people/friends ( @Toast Lord Moat.gg was my first true ret friend and i still talk to him to this day). Shortly after i had really wanted to help the server because i had truly enjoyed my time on the server and i enjoyed watching staff sits and learning about staffing from current staff members (idk why but i remember Skullmohawk). It was hard at first to actually push myself to apply because i had truly thought everyone on the server didnt like me (this relates to stuff later on) but i pushed through and was very suprised to see how much people actually enjoyed playing/hanging out with me and it was a huge relief to honestly feel accepted for once. After a week or so i had gotten accepted (this was my first ever time staffing) and it was a huge learning experience for me because i felt like i had to live up to an expectation and prove im worth having as a staff member. So my time as a lil tmod went on ( @Sarrus 素晴らしいバイブ評価 者 セージ was my mentor for anyone who cares/wonders, still love the guy to this day and really grateful to have him to be the one to introduce me to staffing) and it was honestly the best time/learning experience ive had in a game. Not much happened that was very suprising during my tmod phase (other than informer who fucking added my tmod test score wrong and gave me a heart attack because I thought i failed). Not much happens when i get mod or admin so just gonna skip it honestly (other than me getting senior admin a month after admin and passing my mentor like the newb he is). As senior i was trying my hardest to prove myself as being worthty of becoming/earning super to my higher ups (Jouaram, Anonymous Rainbow, and Vlad). I had spent about a year trying my hardest to be the best staff member i could and to geniuely help the community i loved so much. I was trying to do things such as just being on a ton, being as involved as i could internally, and trying to create stuff for the server like trails/cosemetics (I was making a second party hat set but have a new pc so all that work is gone.) i was just trying my hardest to help. It was a very good and enjoyable experience trying to prove myself because i felt like i was geniuenly earning the trust of my higher ups and treating them like they were good friends of mine (which they were) but no story is ever only good. During 2020 a lot of hatred had been brewing in the ret community for the updates and what was happening to the server. There was the weapon update that came out that completely changed how weapons on the server worked with a new system of getting materials and upgrade modules and upgrading certain stats on a gun which caused a lot of players to leave (i felt like the update was fine but this is the general stuff ive heard from players who have/were going to leave) because they felt like it was too much work/confusing (it really wasnt but) and so they just quit because they felt like it wasnt darkrp anymore were you can just hop on and hangout with friends and meet new people but you were forced to go farm and get upgrade modules to have a chance at doing raids/anything pvp related. At the same time this happened we were having constant issues with someone ddosing the server and making it unplayable for days on end. So as a result player count had dropped a significant amount and we started averaging around 15 ish players at peak times (give or take a few but it was very low compared to our normal amount). This eventually lead to that one dreadful day that still makes me feel like shit remembering/thinking about, which is when jouaram told all of us higher ups that he was going to close the server.(i cant get what jouaram had told me a few hours before he said that to this day. "then you will have wasted a year of your life that you wont get back". I dont hate/disagree with what jouaram did, i really support it even if my closest friends don't. He wanted to have a clean slate to work with, Ret was known for being toxic/a shitty place and i complete understand and was kind of excited about him opening a new server(he hadn't told us yet). So the last days of ret came and went as we were working on the new server (customrp as you know it)(p.s if anyone wants to see the last moments of ret i still have the clips and would be happy to let you see my cringey self and the aids which was ret) which at first went really well and was a very enjoyable experience being a super because i got to finally do what i wanted which was to help jouaram and everyone in the higher up team out because i really cared about them (i still do because they were some of my best friends at the time, to me at least.) and so we opened the new server to a few select people that we got to choose to try out the server first.(@schwi, @Surreh, @Franke, and @Toast Lord Moat.gg were who i asked to join intially) At first it was really fun getting to experience being on a new server and being apart of the staff team as a right hand man so to say to Jouaram. At this time i was going through some really shitty times (i stopped talking to all of my old friends because of mental health issues and in general was very depressed) which eventually led to me being inactive/kind of hating the server because i missed all of my old ret friends who had made me feel like i mattered. I shouldnt have shit on the server and everything jouaram was trying to do and i never could bring myself to tell him im sorry for what i did because i felt like i dissapointed him and didnt deserve to talk to him or have the chance to say it wasnt right you didnt deserve to hear that especially not from me because i always was there for you as much as i could even if you didnt realize. So it eventually led to my demotion and removal from the staff team because of the dumbass i was. I had worked so hard to where i got to and threw it all away in an instant because i couldnt just trust the person i had trusted for so long. Well that leads to now (im skipping all of me being gone cause its just me memeing in discord like a cringe lord) where im back and i want to prove/earn the chance for jouaram to trust me again because i really regret what i did and no matter what i do i wont because it was wrong. If you skipped to the end Jouaram I want you to atleast know im sorry. If you are from ret and i didnt mention you dont think i dont know you, respond and you just might be suprised. I know rets gone for good and i accept it, its time to move on and "look on the brighter side of life". (if you know, you know.) Thank you for reading if you did ive had this on my mind for months and i want these regrets/pain to be gone. Yours Truly, Philrat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Surreh1 Posted January 19, 2021 Share Posted January 19, 2021 that joke at the end is cringey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fakie Posted January 19, 2021 Share Posted January 19, 2021 Asshole didn’t mention me 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Surreh1 Posted January 19, 2021 Share Posted January 19, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Fakie said: Asshole didn’t mention me ig you stink too much Edited January 19, 2021 by Surreh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sosu Posted January 19, 2021 Author Share Posted January 19, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, Fakie said: Asshole didn’t mention me I didnt mention a lot of people who I hanged out with a lot, I mainly just did the people that i still talk to very often. p.s Get fucked Edited January 19, 2021 by Sosu Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sosu Posted January 19, 2021 Author Share Posted January 19, 2021 (edited) 4 hours ago, Surreh said: that joke at the end is cringey Alot of the stuff in the post is cringe and i wouldn't disagree Edited January 19, 2021 by Sosu Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brumskee Posted January 20, 2021 Share Posted January 20, 2021 Yo welcome my guy, see you on the server! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sosu Posted January 20, 2021 Author Share Posted January 20, 2021 1 hour ago, Brumskee said: Yo welcome my guy, see you on the server! Good to see you back also mister Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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