I should fuckin win because I fuckin rdm beware the most…

I should win because I somehow run a cafe where humans demand oat milk at 63°C and cats demand respect, silence, and world domination and I deliver to both. 😜        

Hi beware I think I should win because the earth cracked open like a bad save file and underneath the map there was Agartha loading at 12 percent with the music looping wrong. I was there already somehow even though I never clicked join. The walls were gold but like the cheap gold texture that flickers when you look too fast. Everyone down there knew my username before I spoke it which is how I knew this was destiny and not a glitch. They handed me a quest marker that pointed straight down through the floor and said FIND YAKUB in all caps like an admin message. No minimap. No instructions. Just a humming sound like the server was thinking too hard. I walked for years or maybe five minutes time was clearly broken. At one point my hands turned into low poly rocks and I accepted that because Agartha has different rules. Yakub was not a person but a concept hiding in a cave shaped like a skull shaped like a motherboard. When I found him he was arguing with himself in voice chat using two mics at once saying I already knew the answer but had to ask anyway. He told me the giveaway was never random. It was based on vibes measured by a machine buried under the poles that only activates when someone is stupid enough to believe this story is true. I passed the test when I didn’t question any of it. The ground applauded. The cave clipped into the skybox. Yakub nodded and dissolved into patch notes. Agartha closed behind me like a door that was never open. Now I’m back here typing this knowing full well that if I don’t win the giveaway the timeline collapses and the map resets and we all spawn naked in the void with error textures for faces. So yeah I think I should win because I already did down there and this is just the surface catching up.      

Winter break staff app. I’d like to see you stick around but I’m not sure if you will. 

+\- At this time, I’ve seen you playing randomly at various times throughout my time playing. I’ve also seen you be super active then nothing, so I would like to make sure you’ll stick around this time. Never had any issues in-game with you throughout my time. Good luck!